Warning: This post is going to be a different one than anything I’ve written so far.
One of the main goals I had with this new version of the blog was to help you find a way to feel a little bit more confident about yourself. Whether you choose fashion, beauty, lifestyle choices, or travel as a way to feel a positive feeling, this has been my focus this year for the blog.
Positivity is something I have set as my personal goal for 2017. When I said this post was different, it’s because I did want to share a little bit more personal bits with you. I will not go into detail as much but I hope at the end of this post you can realize that if you feel negative about yourself, you are not alone. This is something I can’t stress enough: you are not alone.
Each piece of advice I share below are tips and reminders I have used myself throughout my experiences. I also wanted to share advice and other posts from fellow friends and bloggers. Be sure to check out their content for their own stories and advice.
Self-Love Tip #1:
Remember: You are not what people say you are.
As cliche as many might think this is, it’s often overlooked. Whether you are young or old, people will often have a nasty habit of judging you without reason. Someone might say you are mean or rude, but in reality you are just shy. At the end of the day, the only person who truly knows the ins and outs of every decision you make is you. Especially in high school, every step you take feels like it’s being watched and judged by everyone. Even as we grow older, we tend to tread lightly and make decisions in order to appease everyone. We do this to not have anyone think poorly of us.
I say we because I have done this myself. There have been so many times that I have taken to heart what people have said about me that I have lost track. Unfortunately these were people I thought I could count on and depend on so it truly hurt when they would criticize me for the smallest things.
Let people say what they want to say, at the end of the day the only person who matters in this equation is you.
Stop apologizing for things you can’t change.
Now by saying to stop apologizing I do not mean to go around and mistreating people without a care. What I mean here is to stop apologizing to people when there is nothing to be sorry for. It is too often that we bend over backwards for people to forgive us that we forget ourselves. This act can be so draining on a person.
By all means if you have made a mistake, apologize like you rightly should. Now if someone is dragging it out and making you feel awful even though you have attempted to make amends, they’re not people you should be around. We all need to learn to forgive and forget a bit more.
Don’t let someone use your mistakes as a way to gain power over you. We all make mistakes and if you have owned up to it and apologized and they still won’t forget, don’t let them make you feel like you owe them your life.
Self- Love Tip #3:
It is perfectly fine to want to spend time with yourself.
This is definitely a lesson that I wish I would’ve learned in high school. One of the biggest problems of doing stuff for other people all the time, is that you tend to forget about yourself. If you’ve had a rough day, week or month, take some time to yourself. Set aside a day just for you. Do all of the things that you love. Whether you want to cook yourself and amazing meal or order out. If you want to binge watch every show on Netflix or spend a whole day at the beach reading a book, just do it. Just because everyone is out and about, that doesn’t mean that you have to as well.
A lot of times I’ve had to go out even though all I wanted to do was rest. Not only do you not have a good time but odds are that everyone else will notice you aren’t having fun. If you need a day, take it. If you need more than that, go ahead. Self-love means than loving yourself.
Self-Love Tip #4:
Remember: People are going to share what they want you to believe
Since this is all about self-love in the summer, I think this reminder is extremely important. You know that summer body everyone keeps sharing? You can literally find thousands youtube videos on how to pose for pictures that’ll tell you how to achieve those poses. This is not to say to not flaunt what you worked for or got. By all means, do so with no regret. But if you think you aren’t up to the “standards” society has set for both females and males, you can also share with no regret. There are thousands of people who share content everyday that is meant to put up a front. Perhaps that person that is constantly sharing videos or pictures of parties every weekend wants you to believe they are a wild and crazy person.
Don’t get yourself down because someone’s social media life is amazing, because its just social media. It is what we want to portray to the internet. Don’t feel the pressure to live up to another person’s Instagram or Snapchats. Focus on building a life filled of stuff that makes you happy and content.
Self-Love Tip #5
Reminder: People suck sometimes.
For the last tip I thought I would keep it fairly simple. There are some people out there who want to make themselves feel better by making you feel like crap. Whether you know these people, leave them and walk away. If they are an internet troll, block them. A real life troll? Remove yourself from their general area if possible. If that step isn’t possible, talk to someone about it.
I truly cannot come up with another explanation as to why people do this other than the fact that they are insecure about themselves. As cliche as that phrase sounds, it is 100% true. Do yourself a favor and make yourself happy the right way. By surrounding yourself with positive people and surroundings you love. Don’t let another person drag you into their level of insecurity. Don’t let another person’s insecurity become the reason for your insecurities.
What Others Have To Say About Self-Love
One of the reasons I wrote this post is because I want you all to know that you aren’t the only ones suffering from a lack of self-confidence or self-love. With that in mind, I went ahead and asked around the blogging community for their own tips/advice for you. These also include posts they’ve written about the matter and their own stories. So go ahead and check out their sites and links to read their perspectives on the matter.
HOW I AM PRIORITISING SELF-LOVE AND SELF-CARE – LifeAsLoisMay
7 Easy Tips for Self Love that you can start TODAY! – Gemma Hughes
10 Tips to Manage Your Anxiety – Quite Franklii
Why You Should Learn To Love Yourself – Natasha Bolger Media
Sometimes A Walk Is All You Need– Me & Nelly
So the reason I am adding this section in here is not because I want to rant about my past. I am writing about my own experience because I really wish that those of you who feel down about yourself to know that it is something that most people go through. It isn’t talked about because many feel like others will think they just want attention. You are 100 percent allowed to talk about what is bothering you.
Like I’ve mentioned before, I don’t want to go into detail about what specifically was said/done behind my back and directly to me. These details I don’t believe are of importance because it is not what I think of myself. I do want to tell you though that I was “friends” with certain people who didn’t have my best interests at heart. In high school it can be difficult to differentiate between the those that do and those that don’t because everyone is sort of trying to navigate through that big old mess.
As someone who has always been very shy and reserved (really I am) it always mattered to me more what others thought of me more than what I thought of myself. This was because I didn’t have many friends and in high school it felt like the quantity mattered more. So at that point I would do anything to keep the friends I had. Even if this meant having to deal with snarky comments about my appearance and my character.
This era was tough on me because I was hearing these things from people that I thought knew me the best. And in my adolescent mind I though, “Well if they think this of me, it must be true”. This is where the importance of self-love comes in. Perhaps if I had a bit more confidence in myself, I could’ve left that sick cycle of negativity earlier. Unfortunately I didn’t and that led to one of the darkest periods of my life thus far.
It didn’t take until I went to college to realize just how that whole situation had actually affected me. I found myself so concerned about social situations and what others might have thought of me. Through blogging and the amazing people I have met, I have slowly started getting rid of this feeling. I thank everyone who has helped me so far whether online or in person, because I truly appreciate everyone who has helped me know the meaning of self-love.
With this post I hope some of you will find at least a part that will help you. I also encourage that if you ever feel like this please contact someone. If you need someone to vent to, my inbox will always be open as well as my DM’s on any social media. Don’t hesitate to talk about it. Talking about whats going on in your life does a world of difference.
Ending this post here, I ask that if you want to share your story in the comments below or any tips/comments you have about self-love please leave them. Thank you for reading!
Photos were all taken by a wonderful photographer, Dulce Gutierrez. You can check out more of her stuff here